Fragments of A Faulty Memory

"Apakah ia kesepian?" ya, ia merasa sepi. "Namun mengapa ia selalu menolak ditemani?" karena hanya sosok itu, ia yang meramaikan benaknya di keheningan malam yang bisa mengusir sepinya yang membekukan kalbu.  "..........." bukanlah siapa-siapa lagi. "jadi dia akan menunggu?" Ya, ia akan menunggu sosok itu memohon diri. Menemaninya dalam sepi yang kelak menjadi hangat karenanya.

"Lisa, pergi dari situ. Percaya padaku. Jangan dengarkan dia," Selangkah demi selangkah aku mendekatinya yang masih berdiri terpaku di sebrang ruangan. Di sampingnya, berdiri pria itu. Pria yang selalu menggunakan setelan hitam kaku. Ia menatapku dan menyeringai. Dengan nada yang sama, ia menyalin kata-kataku, "Lisa, pergi dari situ. Percaya padaku. Jangan dengarkan dia." Aroma nafasnya menyeruak, membuat udara ruangan berbau darah. Hawa dingin menggelitik punggungku. Namun, tak sedikit pun Lisa beranjak, malah merosot tubuhnya. Terduduk ia di atas permadani dengan bahu berguncang. Isak tangisnya memecah keheningan malam. "Tidak, jangan lakukan ini lagi. Kumohon, Han," Ia memeluk lututnya, menatapku dengan tatapan yang membuat ngilu hati. Air matanya mengalir deras. "Kau harus menjauh darinya. Ia menyembunyikan pisau dibalik jas hitamnya!" Teriakku menghentikan isaknya sesaat. Seringai pria itu makin ganas. Perlahan ia selipkan tangan kanannya da...

I was miles away when the screen suddenly went blank and the lights went on. Everyone rises from their seat with their hands clapping. I startled and quickly shake my head to get out of my reverie.  Still in confusion, I join the standing crowd, contributing the noise with an awkward applause. The movie must be so amusing as giggles and laughter fill the room with warmth. And I must have lost track.  To appraise, the movie was great and amazing. Yet it left me no feeling of amusement. I neither feel fascinated nor impressed. But it was not about the movie. And I have no sentence as the reason. I look around my surrounding.  Scanning the spacious room, I am hoping to find another pair of eye with empty stare among this crowd. But I could not find another human being with bored face just like mine.  So I am the only one. In between hundreds soul, mine is the only one numb. I sit still when the others rise from their seat and start to begon...

Have I told you yet? I am afraid of darkness Yet I couldn't stand brightness Have I told you yet? I fear of getting lost Yet I want to be a free bird Have I told you yet? I am afraid of love Yet I am longing for tenderness Have I told you yet? I fear of being messed up Yet I live with chaotic mind Have I told tou yet? I am terrified to see you turn your back on me Yet I'm helpless to see you in the eye