Fragments of A Faulty Memory

Wahai Dunia yang lapang, masih adakah sedikit saja tempat di tubuhmu untukku? Bisa kah kau sisakan tempat kecil yang aman di mana saja?  Di antara retakan tanah kering yang pecah berkeping-keping, di celah kunci pintu rumah milik Ayah & Ibu, di udara yang menghantarkan tawanya ke seluruh penjuru ruangan, atau pada jarak antara huruf dan titik di atas kertas.  Sisipkanlah aku.

In the midst of a dinner so rare.  I can’t recall the dish we had. We were talking about death and you were crying. I  just sat still, like  watching a melancholic drama I couldn’t make sense of the plot. The wrinkle on your forehead, strands of grey hair tucked behind your ear, the vein on your skinny palm, all of you looked like glitching pixels behind the screen I’ll switch off soon. Everybody knows I’m bored of this episode yet they keep replaying it over and over. Whose heart will stop beating first? Who’s gonna do what on whose dead body? Who will have the longer breath in life? Who’s going to have things left to regret? Who is it, Ma? Who is it, dearest daughter? I’m sorry that I don’t know whether I am.