Fragments of A Faulty Memory

It was one lovely friday. The cloudy skies were crystal clear. I was standing there, surrounded by people and their warmth while doing something fun: commenting to their unfunny jokes. Everything was fine and I was feeling so alive when my anxiety stroke me. Really hard. Out of the blue. It took only 2 minutes for It to sucks light from the sun. It invites the storm and clouds to gather beneath me. Everyone around me turns to stranger and the jokes turns into bitter. I felt lost and everything around me became unfamiliar. I felt ill and went home with uneasy feeling that evening. At that moment I knew that a hard battle awaits and something is visiting me soon: my demon. It was a fearful night, I was with no one. My heart felt uneasy, I was trembled and shivered remembering the last time my demon was around, I was still unable to tame it. I was going to lose my mind so I cried in despair and asked for His help. I was so desperate and longing for a presence that I even asked him t...

I grew up listening to his voice wailing through my uncle's radio casette player. I never liked the music, my ears was not meant for such emphasized volume. I was too young to ponder the meaning behind any songs. I never paid attention to anyone, not even any particular member of a band I am familiar to. I didn't even know his name. All I know, he was the 'angst-ridden screamer' of Linkin Park, my (only one beloved) uncle's favorite band. Now, they're already gone.  Both of them. When I heard the news, I never expected that I would feel my heart cracks. A piece of my childhood just went away. For days, I was in denial. I refused to know more about the tragedy. I couldn't accept it. Each time I heard people talking about the tragedy, I stop my ears. Each time my eyes caught any letters forming his name, I just scroll my screen down. I didn't know why I felt really bad. I didn't listen to his music, I didn't know anything about him yet I felt ...

Aku, yang sedang bersama sunyi, menggenggam penaku ditengah kegelapan malam.  Kata-kata mengalir begitu derasnya mengotori kertas putihku dan jariku menari-nari begitu lincahnya menggoreskan jutaan makna. Aku tak mampu membendung gejolak jiwaku yang berapi-api. Perlahan-lahan, tanganku mulai dingin kemudian gemetar. Tarian jariku melambat ketika kurasakan tiap ruasnya mulai membeku. Jantungku berdegup begitu hebatnya dalam kepanikan dan satu dua butir keringat dingin mengaliri punggungku ketika kusadari kata-kata yang kugoreskan mulai tampak tak nyata. Aku lemah tak berdaya menatap kertas dan penaku nanar.  Kuhentikan goresan tinta yang mengalir. Jemariku yang semula menari-nari kini dingin dan kaku. Aku terisak pilu dalam keputusasaan ketika kupandangi penaku. Lihatlah, tinta didalamnya mulai mengering. Aku berhenti menulis.