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A Hero

I grew up listening to his voice wailing through my uncle's radio casette player. I never liked the music, my ears was not meant for such emphasized volume. I was too young to ponder the meaning behind any songs. I never paid attention to anyone, not even any particular member of a band I am familiar to. I didn't even know his name. All I know, he was the 'angst-ridden screamer' of Linkin Park, my (only one beloved) uncle's favorite band.
Now, they're already gone.  Both of them.

When I heard the news, I never expected that I would feel my heart cracks. A piece of my childhood just went away.
For days, I was in denial. I refused to know more about the tragedy. I couldn't accept it. Each time I heard people talking about the tragedy, I stop my ears. Each time my eyes caught any letters forming his name, I just scroll my screen down.
I didn't know why I felt really bad. I didn't listen to his music, I didn't know anything about him yet I felt an extremely deep grief.

Just several nights after the tragedy, I typed the name of the band on my spotify's search box. I put my earphones on and shut my eyes, intended to recall the tiny delightful part of my childhood memories with my late uncle.
A verse and two, I already lost myself. It was the same voice wailing, it was the same song, but at that time, I was able to hear the pain in each of his uttered words. I was able to recognize the battle he'd been struggling to win over. I am so familiar with the painful scenes he tried to conveyed through his voice. I felt like an arrow pierced right to my heart when a word said. Words by words, then a verse finished and my heart was in no shape. Black and blue full of wounds. I just bawled my eyes out.

His demon and I are no stranger.

Just now, I finally able to accept the tragedy and willing to know about it. I read several news and articles about his leaving and how the shockwave still resonates among those who became the witness of his endless battle with the demon.

"Dear Chester Bennington, it hurts all of us to know that you saved so many lives, yet we couldn't save you..."

He is one successfull human being.
He succeeded living his life and left marks (in hearts of million).
How many human ever existed that succesfully leave marks with his existence?

Well, he was someone.
To me, he is a hero.


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